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Chapter 6: Snowflake Drama(AKA: I don't care.) Edit
Where is he?
I just turned around to decide for just a few hours a drink at the farthest vending machine here in Kuoh, and then he's no longer here where he should. I even brought him some water I picked from the nearest fountain with an empty bottle I picked from the floor to show how much I don't dislike him at all, yet he's not here...
I'm feeling so ashamed now, shouldn't have trusted him from the start, if he betrayed all of my expectations so soon into this. Or maybe I wasn't the main heroine he expected me to be? There are so many others he can choose from, why be stuck with me, little old Lunamaria Aim from a decadent clan of Devils, with no pleasant personality nor redeeming traits besides her big boobs and luscious hips~! I was even planning to give him my first time in order to avoid the arranged marriage my parents did with the Decarabia clan in order to provide assistance and prosperity for both our extinct clans, only for him to come down crashing the party claiming my virginity and beat the crap out of my suppose fiancé... Oh, what a cruel world~...
As if. I don't actually mind him hanging around others as long as he remembers who his main is(Me! Me! Me!). But that's too bad, as I said before, I even brought him a bottle of fountain water, now I got just this canned coffee which I don't dislike and this bottle of dirty water. What should I do with the former? Oh, I hear steps coming this way, and turning my eyes there and following the scent of a devil and a cat, I can assure myself that is Toujou Koneko-dono, the mascot of Kuoh academy and a servant of Rias Gremory, who's coming: I was right.
"Oh hey, Toujou-dono. Good afternoon to you." I said, turning my eyes for her golden ones. She stopped her track and turned to me, bored eyes as ever. She does have her loli charms, and she's cute, too bad she's with that Gremory cow. "How's it going? Smoothly as always for me, thank you very much for asking, even if you didn't ask anything to begin with."
"..." She said nothing, only continued to stare at me, as I balanced the can and the bottle with my hands, still having no idea of what to do with them.
"Have you seen my boyfriend? He's tall, blond, fair-skinned and good-looking, but he has some imagination issues, or maybe he's the real deal, I dunno. What I know is that I'm his girlfriend, and even when I become famous and successful, I won't ever forget what he did to me. Nothing dirty, of course, but we have a special connection that is better than that." I said, still balancing those two recipients and looking at her like she was the most interesting girl in the world. She is indeed fascinating, one of the last Nekoshou nekomata, side by side with her sister Kuroka, the SSS-ranked criminal that killed her master in order to save her little sister from harm. Oh, how do I know that, whatever asks? It just so happens that us, from the Aim clan, tends to know a lot about anything from our surroundings, we just don't share it because life would be pretty boring with such revelations, and to be fair, some of them already killed people. My father, for example, revealed the whereabouts of Lord Baraqiel, and then... Things happened. So that's why we don't bother anymore, maybe that's the reason our clan was extinct, but whatever, my life is good...
"..." Again, she said nothing, just eyeing me with disinterest and boredom. To be fair, I'm also bored, but something tells me that talking with this little girl will give me the right answer about something. Just kidding, I'm just making things up as they go, but I'm feeling better by talking to her.
"But it turns out, Toujou-dono, that bastard was just using me. And after a day of such trait and deelopment, our plans went awry, and he abandoned me to my own luck. I was beaten, destroyed, betrayed, left to die in the pits of relationships, where no soul has ever come back, and as such, I'm lost in this darkness. Oh, cruel world, why would you give me opportunities if by the end of the day you take them away, like grains of sand on the wind..." I dramatically posed in front of her, my hand covering part of my face as I was looking at her upside down with my body turned against her, but with my back bend in a way it was possible for her to stare back at me. We blinked at the same time, indicating that both of us were thinking the same thing, and with a sigh, I returned to my natural stance, still with my hand covering my mouth this time. "Toujou-dono, I'm sorry for the fact that you had to look at my little display of misery and mourning, someone as young as you shouldn't hear or think about grown-up problems. I shall cease my little play of drama, and get going with my life. You should be good with yours as well, no matter how filled with sadness, grief or darkness it is. After all, is surpassing those is how we can be truly happy, isn't it?"
"...!" And for the first time since we started our conversation, she showed some emotion: surprise. Not exactly an emotion, but something really close. Huh, maybe youkais can show emotion besides anger and rage. Are those too close too? I dunno... Ah! "Tsukihi-senpai..."
"Oh! Take at look at that: by making some poses, I ended up spilling the bottle of water on the floor. Now I don't need to figure what to do with it anymore. Thanks toujou-dono, you're a life-saver." I said as I smiled one more time, seeing the dark path the spilled water was doing on the earth. I'm in peace now, I don't need to brainstorm about it anymore. This sensation of relief, I don't dislike it. Now that we have that problem out of the way, I should go and look for my bastard boyfriend and his probable affair. Or maybe he had to go to be bathroom. Well, what comes first it is. I took my path beside toujou-dono, not before giving her a small pat on the head, and walked away. "Thanks again, Toujou-dono. See you tomorrow, or another time. I hope tomorrow."
And without hearing anything more from her, I took my way into the sunset(yeah, It took me this much to choose canned coffee. Ain't I a terrible girlfriend?), into the path that will lead to Ryuusei-kun...
But first, I shall drink my canned coffee, because as I said before, my system is bone-dry.
"There you go: iced coffee and mocha Frap for me."
Well, ain't I a genius? Since everybody knows and likes some Starbucks, I brought the said nekomata here for us to chat. Here is calm, relaxing, and I don't have much problem in getting too much attention since only weirdos come to these kinds of coffee shops, anyway. I ordered a small Frap and a iced coffee for her, of course, with some sacks of sugar and sweetener since I don't want to look rude like the last time. Sitting like that and sharing some coffee, that's another romantic point in this whole situation...
"In case you don't want it black, I brought also some sugar and sweetener for it." I said, picking the said sacks and putting them in front of her. Even if she can't distinguish things apart from faces to names and identities, maybe the notion of flavor is a les on her life. After all, you need your sense of taste in order to survive, and that's essential in nature. Moreover, sugar is indeed natural. "Y'know, coffee is one of my favorites, actually. I like how bitter it is sometimes, but I don't drink much because it's quite expensive with my allowance. I was just so lucky to have Tsukihi-san sharing her lunchbox with mine, so I have enough many to buy a Frap. Sweet things are also my thing. I just don't like spices."
"..." She said nothing, only picked her own cup of tea to take a sip from. She chugged a little on it, first one cheek, then the other, and finally swallowed it how, sighing soon after. "Even drinks and food are all alike by the tongue of the young woman at the Starbucks with the young man. He calls it something, but for her, it's just a blank liquid, a little heavier than air itself. Food at her taste is nothing but nothingness taking shape. She feels nothing."
"Fascinating, so it affects even you other senses." I said taking a sip out of my mocha. It's sweet and at the same time, bitter. That's the best part of something edible, and she can't even sense that. That's sad, really sad. I passed my little cup to her, and she blinked again to it. Picking it up, she sipped on the little straw that cold drink, and chugged on it again. The result was the same: disappointment and quiet despair. "It tastes the same, it feels the same... Isn't it?"
"Cold or hot, it's all the same for the ever-balanced nature. The girl doesn't feel anything for that, and without sense of individuality, she feels alone, alone..." She said again with that distant and melancholic stare directly at something at my direction. Maybe myself, maybe something else? For her, it doesn't matter, it's all the same. "The girl wonders if the boy ever feels like that. As in, if he feels alone, cold, so alienated from reality and the so-called individuality, he feels the ever-growing will to end his own suffering."
Huh... Interesting indeed. I can't relate to her, at all. Someone as original and creative as myself, the heir of a powerful clan, son of a powerful dragon and a magician, but lost them in a tragic event somewhere in his dark, dark past, could never understand the sense of non-individuality. I wonder if even archetype characters, like those we see all the time in movies, mangas, light novels and even OC fanfictions, suffers from this. A world without a sense of individuality, where everyone is equal and the same. No color or shape, only blankness. What a terrible world to live in... But...
"But Kotone-san, there's no sense of individuality in the world anymore." I said out loud. For the first time since I met her, which isn't saying much for at least three hours, she looked surprised. For the first time as well, her pupils dilated, her gaze widened, and she looked at me for the first time ever.
"How people live their lives nowadays? You are born, you grow, you go to school, find a job, marry, have kids, grow old and die. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. With only a few exceptions, life in general is nothing but following a pre-determined path." I said, picking the cup of mocha Frap from her confused hands an taking another sip. Yeah, I'm so lucky I wasn't born a normal human, or have a normal up-bring. My search for revenge, my powers and lineage are the only thing that separates me from humans, and someone like me is very fascinated about their own existence. "Just like you, I see the world above the standard norm, in a different angle than the others. As such, I can see a certain pattern in society as a whole! You might see the world as something blank and colorless, but I see the world in the same way, but differently."
"For me, the world is a quiet, predictable place. No matter how people want to be individuals, no matter how they feel about themselves, they're gonna live and die, live and die. Go to school, find to work, marry and have children, the standard setting for a so-called 'life'. Even people outside those circles have cliched existences, if not more unoriginal. By the end of the day, all differences are superficial, shallow. In the end, we're all equals, the same and unchangeable." I concluded, also finishing my drink. Yep, with a few exceptions like me and her, all lives are the same, thus all existence follows the same unoriginal pattern. Not that's a bad thing altogether. Sometimes, I wanted to have a normal life, with normal family and everyone still alive and well. I might be one of the strongest around, but I got this at a price. "So... Don't think you're alone, or the way you see the world is any different that it really is."
"..." She stayed quiet for a few seconds, but then *SLAP!*, returning to her normal stoic expression, she slapped me hard, producing such a sound it made everyone around stop their duties to look, while my cheek was on fire. Oh no, did I upset her? "How..."
"How can someone who can see and feel individualities try to compare himself to someone like the girl?!" And again, she narrowed her eyes and came down screaming at me, while I was with a hand on my but if cheek, a little confused. "He doesn't have the minimal idea of how the young lady lives! She can't trust anyone because she can't distinguish friend from foe! Everything she eats and drinks is only heavier than the air she breathes! She doesn't know cold, warmth, meaning or even good or evil! All the voices are statics in her ears, all the people are stains in her eyes, everything is cold on her touch! You don't understand! You can't understand! YOU CANT! YOU CANT! YOU CANT, SO SHUT UP!"
And silence. Nothing in between us or anything at the world. Total nothingness and blankness. I guess, for that instant, I simply saw the world as she sees. She gulped one more time, standing up and tears running down her stoic eyes, as she turned around.
"For the young man trying to help the nekomata, she apologies for her outburst and is really thankful for that he's trying to do, but you can't ultimately help in something you can't understand. She might not be alone, but she's completely lonely." Kotone-san said with a sigh, drying her tears and taking her way away from the cafe. I stood up and tried to reach her, but she turned her head to face in my direction. "She no longer thinks of ending her own life, so the boy can stay at ease. He should just... Forget about her. She won't remember him, anyway."
And she turned around again and took her way away from me. Someone who isn't alone, but is lonely as a whole. Yes. That's it. Maybe she's right in that regard, maybe I can't ever understand her despite the fact that we stand on same ground. I guess this also has an explanation: lonely, but not alone.
There's billions of people in the world, even more, yet we totally disregard those others' existences besides our own. We're all selfish beings who barely notice others even when they're so close. We have individual problems to deal with, and that's why we forgot that others have their own too, and label them as all the same. An old-man might thing all teenagers are rude and carefree and a delusional woman might think all men are pigs and horny, while a composed teenager might think all old people are preachy and ignorant, and a man might think all women are manipulative and gold-digger. It's all a matter of perspective, a selfish matter of perspective, that people superficially have, without bothering to find someone different, or understand the motives besides those labels. Same as me, but Kotone-san... She does want to see a world and everyone in it individually, and that's possibly the sweetest and kindest idea in this ever-growing selfish world. However, she can't.
Maybe... Maybe I can make her happy by showing a hint of individuality, but how? She can't hear my name, or see my figure. I'm just a stain with static as a name, so how can I do something to differ me from others? Maybe... Maybe... I got an idea. I stood up, drank the rest of her iced-coffee, and as such, took a deep breath and began to stretch myself. I looked at the direction she walked towards, and I could still see her at the horizon. Great, I can still reach her. So, I positioned myself in a starting line position, targeted the said-nekomata at a distance, and then...!
*GET SET! READY? GO!*
*STEP STEP STEP STEP STEP!*
"Kotone-chaaaaaaan~...!" I said as I reached my hands for her and groped the living hell out of her breasts! Like a true molester, my hands wandered around her chest area, groping and squeezing anything that was gropable and squeezable! She shrieked when I touched her, and continued to do it! "Man, your boobs are so~ soft! Are they D, even E-cups, perhaps?! Let me check!"
"Kyaaaah...! What are the individual doing to the girl?! Release her at once!" She screamed, but I didn't care! I continued to grope her and then I lifted her feather-weighted body from the floor, unabling her to stand and try to run away! Kah, Kah! She's mine now!
"Kah, Kah! Kotone-san, prepared to be ravished by my perverted hands! I'll touch your big boobs and butt until I'm satisfied!" I said like a true villain of a perverted shounen manga, even laughing like one should. She continued to struggle as my hands would squeeze the hell out of her, trying to contain her aerial struggle! This is fun! "As Sorento Vortigern, the only survivor of the extinct Vortigern clan of dragon tamers and master magicians, I declare you my mistress! I shall use you as much as I want! Kah, Kah!"
"Leave me alone! You're hurting me! Help!" She said, still struggling on midair and suspended by my arms! So this is how it is, eh? I'll just continue this and laugh at it! "Pervert! Someone help, I'll be ravished by a total stranger!"
"Kah, Kah! You're so cute, Kotone-chan! Your pleas for help can only feed my desire for you! Isn't that great?!" I said, turning her around to face her distressed expression and getting closer of her. Now, the final blow! "Y'know what, let's forget about this! Kiss me! Kiss me and become my bride!"
"Kiss, kiss, Chuu~...!"
"Let me go, pervert!" And it happened: before I could even touch her lips, she kicked me so hard that I ended up flying away, into a random wall and almost burying my own face on it's surface, while Kotone-san landed on her two feet and dusted her uniform, adjusting her clothes to then walk towards me. She grabbed my collar and put myself on her level, faces almost touching. She's pissed, I can see that clearly. Let's see, if I get out of here, maybe I'll buy a ramen for her later. "Identify yourself, fiend. I want to know who and why...!"
"Ah...!" She finally realized, right? I'm glad for that. Kotone-san blinked her silver eyes once, and after that, let me go out of her grip, making me stand up by myself. I grinned, as she now touched my face with her two hands, almost like she was a blind girl seeing shapes and colors for the first time. "I can... I can see now... Your face, your eyes... You're not... You're not a stain anymore..."
"I wasn't a stain since the beginning, Kotone-san." I said, turning my face around in order to get away from her touch, render useless as she stepped up and reached for it again. She seemed even more surprised after hearing my voice.
"I can see your face... I can feel your warmth... I can hear your voice... What is this?" She asked me, tears running down her eyes and touching my face even rougher. I think she wants to rip my face off. "What did you do? What did you do?! Answer me!"
"I did nothing. You just cared." I said with my hands up high.
"Kotone-san, when was the last time you ever cared about someone, at all?" I said, as she blinked a few times and hummed in thoughts. She was deep into her own mind, but in the end, she snapped her fingers and gasps in realization. "That's right. Kotone-san, individuality is more than just the simple fact of seeing everyone physically different. It's a matter of immersion, depth, tact with the souls of others. What is 'knowing someone'? Is it just knowing how they look like, their names and that? No, knowing someone is more than that, and in order to reach the individuality of everyone, you must first care."
"I meet at least a thousand people per day, and yet I don't know or care about their lives. The ones I care about, the ones I love, can be counted with fingers. Those are the ones who I even remotely know about." I said while standing on her level, coming closer and simply shrugging with a laughing sigh. Yep, this is how you know. "What I mean is... Just stop and try to see people that matters and that's that! You don't need to know a thousand people and everyone you meet in order to not feel loneliness. So what if people are stains in your vision and static to your ears? Unless you try to socialize with someone, anyone, everybody will still be stains in your eyes. I'm Sorento Vortigern, the last Member of the Vortigern clan of dragon tamers, being half-dragon myself, in a quest for revenge and rescue my little sister Nadja from the evil hands of the Jorge Order! Third-year high school student of Kuoh academy under the name of Amano Ryuusei and a first-grade pervert who likes to touch girls' breasts! And I, Sorento Vortigern, am an individual for you now, Kotomine Kotone, because I groped your tits!"
"..." And she went quiet again. Fortunately I'm at a open space, and so I can say anything I want out loud and only she will hear. Kotone-san blinked a few times, looked at her own hands, then for me, and ultimately sighed, putting her hands on her pockets. "It's all... A matter of perspective, as you said. So, as long as I don't care about someone, they'll be back on the stain within my vision. At least theoretically speaking, right?"
"Maybe, maybe not. I might be the son of a magician, but I can't read minds."
"Is that so? Then... I guess that I'll be back in the shadows and returning everything back."
"Eh...?" Wow, that development was unexpected. She went from suicidal to simply accepting her fate like that in a snap. What was that about? She just sighed again and put her fingers on her forehead, grunting.
"Yes, I understand now." She said, now turning to and looking directly at me. Not to behind me, but really at me, as we share stares. "Maybe this whole senjutsu is not exactly out of control, maybe I am really that aloof to the world. I mean, I thought that my senjutsu was the thing blocking me from others. I couldn't see faces, I couldn't hear of remember names, I couldn't even see or feel anything, but as you said, maybe it's because I'm that aloof. I don't see or feel or remember anything simply because I don't care. I don't care about the people around me, I don't care nor want to know new people, nor taste anything different to water. This world isn't all the same only for me, so this means the problem is indeed with me, and with that... I guess that I'm okay with."
"I... I see." Huh, maybe she is right. We've been talking about such for quite some time now, and only people that matters are the ones who are more than 'individuals' for me. After all, like I said, stereotypes and archetypes and all that jazz. She sees the world like everybody else, but since she doesn't want to be part of anything nor meet anyone, I guess I can't do a thing about it. I sighed and grinned. "Good to hear that, Kotone-san."
"Yep, problem solved. It was just little old lonely me. I could make friends and see their faces and names anytime, I just didn't want that. I guess... I guess I'm that aloof... Huh." She huffed one more time under her breath, sniffed a few more, and took her way away from me. "Thanks for helping me realize that. And don't worry, I won't charge anything against you since I don't care about you anyway. Back to the shadows for you, mister."
"Right. Just be careful." She waved a hand for me in a 'don't worry' gesture, and soon took her away down the sunset. So I helped someone today, not exactly that, but I'm glad that she forgot all about this whole suicide thing. And even so... She kinda became someone to me in this meantime. She is pretty, and her melancholic charm is really of course, she doesn't have to be part of my own problems, and she has her own to deal with in the long run. In the end, I guess we're back in being total strangers to one another.
"See you other day, Amano-kun."
"Wait, did you just called me by nam-...?" But when I was about to turn around and face her, she already gone. She... Cares about my name... Kah, Kah. I get it, but of course. She must known the infamy of the great Vortigern clan, and as such, she has to known my name in at least that regard.
Yep, this is how it is. We're all stains by the eyes of strangers. We see thousand of faces each day, but only a few of them we even care about. And even people I don't actually face, like uncle Dangar, are more important than the guy in front of me at school that I see everyday. Our vision of the world... Is only limited to ourselves.
More for me, since I am part of the supernatural and can see things normal humans can't~...
"Oh, there you are." I heard a voice at my back, and as such, I turned around to see who was there. There she is, my fake girlfriend, Lunamaria Aim, or Tsukihi Matsuri-san, with a Frap at hands, coming closer at small steps.
"Hey, Tsukihi-san." I said, sighing as I remember that I ended up leaving her alone back in Kuoh. She must be really upset about it, but at least I met the nekomata. That's one bird, right? I hope it is. "Guess what, I met the nekomata. And she's... Very interesting to say the least."
"Oh... " she said with a blink. I said nothing, and she said nothing, we were at a standoff of stares with nothing being said, and ultimately, she gave up and returned in sipping on her cup. "That's good stuff. But I can't eat much because it's too fat. Also, those choco-bits are a pain to chew. *MUNCH! MUNCH!*"
"Tsukihi-san, that's the best part of it." I said with a laughing sigh. I guess the conversation died just now. Huh, wasn't that easy? But everything is so easy to deal with with Lunamaria-san. Or maybe it's just me. "So~... Since the case is done, I think I'll be going home now. Do you want to come with me? Auntie said you're always welcome home."
Still munching? Gimme a break, already.
"I'll understand that as a 'yes'. Tonight's dish is curry. Prepared with yours truly." I said with a hint of pride. I'm good in making those hot dishes, specially spicy ones, ironically enough.
"Yaaaay~, homemade cooking." She said with fake enthusiasm and jumping on the air, making her little boobs go up and down. Oh, so she liked the dish from the other day. That kinda makes me happy to be alive. "But I want some apples on my curry, I dislike spicy things. I don't dislike your cooking, though."
"Yeah." I said with a laugh. Kah, Kah. That should be an interesting, today was again a very interesting day, I've found a youkai with pretty human problems, and that made me realize that maybe those beings from the supernatural might not be too different from humans. Kah, Kah, I hope tomorrow will also be just as exciting... "Ah...! Tsukihi-san, today is the new release of Weekly Shounen Jump! Let's stop by a bookstore and buy it!"
"Okay, I don't dislike shounen Jump, but I think Champion RED and Jump Square are better."
"Natch. Let's buy those too."
Subjects spoken Edit
- Personal opinion.